Living Love
January 31, 2010
January 31, 2010
Rev. Susan E. Gilbert Zencka
Frame Memorial Presbyterian Church
Texts: Jeremiah 1:4-10; 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
There is an old Cherokee tale about a Grandfather whose grandson came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice. The old Grandfather said, “Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
“But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.
“But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing.
“Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit." The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."
Today’s passage from Paul’s letter to the Corinthians is probably one of the more familiar passages in the New Testament…for anyone who has ever attended a wedding. It is often used in weddings, and any of us can understand why – it is a beautiful hymn to love. However, Paul was not writing about marriage in this passage – he was writing about Christian community. This passage comes right after the passage that we read last week about how the church is like a body. Every one has gifts, and the gifts are given to each for the benefit of the whole body, or as Paul says it, “Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.”
The people of Corinth had been fighting over many things, and had been especially concerned with issues of status. The wealthier members had been distancing themselves from the poorer members, and those who were worship leaders felt that their gifts were more important than anyone else’s. Paul finishes the section on gifts and then begins to discuss love with the following transition: “Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers; then deeds of power, then gifts of healing, forms of assistance, forms of leadership, various kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? But strive for the greater gifts. And I will show you a still more excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal….” And so on. We should remember that there were no chapter or verse divisions in the original manuscript – Paul’s words on love are connected to his thoughts about how the community works together. And as he discusses love, he does not describe it as a “gift” but “a more excellent way” – it is a way of life, a way that can be chosen by anyone, a way that should be chosen by everyone in the community of Jesus.
The church is supposed to be known for its love – remember what Jesus said in his last meal with his disciples according to John’s Gospel? He said, “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” This is supposed to be the distinctive quality of the church.
It is important to understand that in the New Testament, the command to love is not a commandment about our feelings, but about the way we act. Love is a choice, it is a decision, it is shown in action. It is not about how we feel about one another. Obviously, it is easier to live in a loving manner together if we have affection for one another, but Jesus is very clear that love is more than that. In the Gospel of Luke, he says, “Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back." Love is shown in generosity, forgiveness, the lack of judgment – and we are called to love even our enemies.
Christianity is a way of life more than a body of belief. Jesus doesn’t talk much about belief, but he talks a great deal about actions. This is good news, for we can choose our actions. And, getting back to Paul, we are reminded of what those actions should look like – we are to choose kindness, choose patience, choose not to be envious, boastful, arrogant or rude; choose to not insist on our own way, or to be irritable or resentful. We are to choose not to rejoice in wrongdoing, but in the truth. Well, maybe this isn’t such good news after all – this is hard stuff! If it were easy, of course, Paul and Jesus wouldn’t have had to explain it so often. Love is what we DO – extending ourselves to others in ways that make a difference. And it is not something we can subcontract to deacons or to the pastor (although we are doing it too) – it is the calling of the whole community. It is who we all are.
We do the nitty-gritty of loving – shoveling someone’s walk, taking time to give someone a ride, going to the grocery store and getting the stuff for soup then making and delivering it, withholding a judgmental comment, giving someone the benefit of the doubt, believing the best of others, refusing to join in gossip, visiting even when we don’t know what to say, giving up a Saturday to prep and paint a choir loft….
Perhaps part of the problem for us in loving is that too often we do love others as we love ourselves, instead of loving others as Christ has loved us…for we often don’t love ourselves very well. With ourselves, we are often unkind, impatient, irritable, resentful, passing judgment, condemning, not bearing anything or believing anything in ourselves, no longer hoping or enduring ourselves very well. There is an old saying, not a Biblical one, but true nonetheless, that you can’t love others until you love yourself. When we are impatient with ourselves, we are usually impatient with others. When we judge ourselves harshly, it is hard to have mercy for others. One of the most important tasks we have is to learn to love ourselves – for until we do, we can never really love others, nor can we take God very seriously, for God loves us. And as long as we are failing to love ourselves, we end up with the same lack of respect for God as Groucho Marx had for any club that would accept him as a member.
Once we start to actually love ourselves, to be gentle and patient with ourselves, to withhold judgment upon ourselves, we begin to understand the deep truth that we cannot love others until we love ourselves, for we begin to find it easier to be gentle with others once we are gentle with ourselves. When we learn to accept ourselves as imperfect, in-process, yet gifted and delightful people, we find it easier to accept others in their imperfections, their incompleteness, and to delight in their gifts. And so, loving ourselves is an important part of our discipleship.
I’ve spoken before about basement and balcony voices – these are the voices that have told us, throughout our lives, who we are. When the basement voices, who have told us how we don’t measure up, outshout the balcony voices who tell us how special and how lovable we are – then we find it hard to believe that anyone can love us. And it’s hard for us to give love away when we are so hungry for it ourselves. We need to come to a place of believing in ourselves, receiving the love of God, and trusting in the loving community…and the good news is that we can change our patterns of thinking by changing our habits of behavior. We can, indeed, choose compassion, and we will become more compassionate. The authors of How God Changes Your Brain have found, in studying brain scans of many people involved in different religious practices and different theological perspectives, that when people understand God as compassionate and benevolent, and when they reflect on God’s love, the anterior cingulate of the brain is activated – the part of the brain that mediates between our thoughts and our feelings – helping us to develop empathy and to feel compassion toward others. Not only did thinking about the love of God strengthen this function of the brain, but also meditation in which the subjects reflected on any kind of love. The things we choose to think about can change the function of our brains. As the authors write, “What makes human beings unique is the extraordinary impermanence of their ideas, and this impermanence is reflected in our extraordinary neuroplasticity. Neurons do not have fixed properties. Instead, they are changing all the time. It takes less that two weeks for a neuron to grow new axons and dendrites, and in some cases the change occurs suddenly. Competitive behavior, environmental influences, education or even a rousing sermon can trigger a rapid rewiring of the circuits.” [I’ll do my best!] We can choose what we will become. We can choose to contemplate the love of God, to practice compassion, and over time, we will become people who love.
Most of us get too easily into the habit of pointing fingers at others, noting (even privately) their failings and challenges. We would do well to remember that we really can’t do anything about other people, but that on a really good day, if we try really hard, we can control some of our own behavior. Let’s put our energy where we can have the best results. Let’s work on ourselves. As we withhold judgment and choose to love, we will build neural pathways that follow the way of love.
Eleven years ago I heard Mark Yaconelli who was developing a new approach to youth ministry, which he called Practicing the Presence of God with Youth – it involved spending more time developing an awareness of God’s presence and activity in our lives. Developing a sense of God’s love. He opened the session by telling this story: There was a researcher who went and studied a Native American tribe, after a couple of years he was returning to NYC, and asked one of the elders to accompany him, to a meeting. While they were walking down the street, he noticed the elder stop, listen intently, and then walk to a tree, at whose foot there was a cricket. “How did you hear that cricket amidst all the noises of the city?” asked the researcher, incredulous. The elder reached into his pocket, took out a handful of change, and threw it into the air. As it landed, people stopped and quickly ran to pick up the money. The elder looked at the researcher and replied, “It depends what you’re listening for.”
Many people are much more comfortable talking about God, analyzing God, thinking about God than thinking in God, listening for God, resting in God. By taking time for contemplative prayer – also sometimes called Centering Prayer, or meditation, we can recreate our brains, leaving behind the voices of rejection and failure, and developing our capacity to hear the Compassionate Voice that breathes our very being to us, and, as Paul writes to the Romans, “transforms us by the renewing of our minds.”
And as we reflect, we can remember that when Paul writes about Love in this chapter, he uses the word, agape, which is one of the three Greek words for love. Eros is the word for sexual and romantic love. Philios is the word for brotherly love – filial love, the love of a good friend. And agape is the word describing God’s love for us. So we can know that in regard to us, God is patient and kind, God is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. God is not irritable or resentful. God does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things – with and for us. God believes in us, God bears with us, God hopes for us, and God’s love never fails. If we don’t believe it yet, if we can’t believe it yet, we can think about it anyway, and let our marvelously adaptive brains wrap themselves around this truth, creating an inner infrastructure for love, and enabling us to choose love – for ourselves, for others, and from God. Love is our decision. Amen.
Rev. Susan E. Gilbert Zencka
Frame Memorial Presbyterian Church
Texts: Jeremiah 1:4-10; 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
There is an old Cherokee tale about a Grandfather whose grandson came to him with anger at a friend who had done him an injustice. The old Grandfather said, “Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do.
“But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times." He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me. One is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him, and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way.
“But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing.
“Sometimes, it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit." The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eyes and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, "The one I feed."
Today’s passage from Paul’s letter to the Corinthians is probably one of the more familiar passages in the New Testament…for anyone who has ever attended a wedding. It is often used in weddings, and any of us can understand why – it is a beautiful hymn to love. However, Paul was not writing about marriage in this passage – he was writing about Christian community. This passage comes right after the passage that we read last week about how the church is like a body. Every one has gifts, and the gifts are given to each for the benefit of the whole body, or as Paul says it, “Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of services, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who activates all of them in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.”
The people of Corinth had been fighting over many things, and had been especially concerned with issues of status. The wealthier members had been distancing themselves from the poorer members, and those who were worship leaders felt that their gifts were more important than anyone else’s. Paul finishes the section on gifts and then begins to discuss love with the following transition: “Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers; then deeds of power, then gifts of healing, forms of assistance, forms of leadership, various kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? But strive for the greater gifts. And I will show you a still more excellent way. If I speak in the tongues of mortals and of angels, but do not have love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal….” And so on. We should remember that there were no chapter or verse divisions in the original manuscript – Paul’s words on love are connected to his thoughts about how the community works together. And as he discusses love, he does not describe it as a “gift” but “a more excellent way” – it is a way of life, a way that can be chosen by anyone, a way that should be chosen by everyone in the community of Jesus.
The church is supposed to be known for its love – remember what Jesus said in his last meal with his disciples according to John’s Gospel? He said, “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” This is supposed to be the distinctive quality of the church.
It is important to understand that in the New Testament, the command to love is not a commandment about our feelings, but about the way we act. Love is a choice, it is a decision, it is shown in action. It is not about how we feel about one another. Obviously, it is easier to live in a loving manner together if we have affection for one another, but Jesus is very clear that love is more than that. In the Gospel of Luke, he says, “Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return. Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven; give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back." Love is shown in generosity, forgiveness, the lack of judgment – and we are called to love even our enemies.
Christianity is a way of life more than a body of belief. Jesus doesn’t talk much about belief, but he talks a great deal about actions. This is good news, for we can choose our actions. And, getting back to Paul, we are reminded of what those actions should look like – we are to choose kindness, choose patience, choose not to be envious, boastful, arrogant or rude; choose to not insist on our own way, or to be irritable or resentful. We are to choose not to rejoice in wrongdoing, but in the truth. Well, maybe this isn’t such good news after all – this is hard stuff! If it were easy, of course, Paul and Jesus wouldn’t have had to explain it so often. Love is what we DO – extending ourselves to others in ways that make a difference. And it is not something we can subcontract to deacons or to the pastor (although we are doing it too) – it is the calling of the whole community. It is who we all are.
We do the nitty-gritty of loving – shoveling someone’s walk, taking time to give someone a ride, going to the grocery store and getting the stuff for soup then making and delivering it, withholding a judgmental comment, giving someone the benefit of the doubt, believing the best of others, refusing to join in gossip, visiting even when we don’t know what to say, giving up a Saturday to prep and paint a choir loft….
Perhaps part of the problem for us in loving is that too often we do love others as we love ourselves, instead of loving others as Christ has loved us…for we often don’t love ourselves very well. With ourselves, we are often unkind, impatient, irritable, resentful, passing judgment, condemning, not bearing anything or believing anything in ourselves, no longer hoping or enduring ourselves very well. There is an old saying, not a Biblical one, but true nonetheless, that you can’t love others until you love yourself. When we are impatient with ourselves, we are usually impatient with others. When we judge ourselves harshly, it is hard to have mercy for others. One of the most important tasks we have is to learn to love ourselves – for until we do, we can never really love others, nor can we take God very seriously, for God loves us. And as long as we are failing to love ourselves, we end up with the same lack of respect for God as Groucho Marx had for any club that would accept him as a member.
Once we start to actually love ourselves, to be gentle and patient with ourselves, to withhold judgment upon ourselves, we begin to understand the deep truth that we cannot love others until we love ourselves, for we begin to find it easier to be gentle with others once we are gentle with ourselves. When we learn to accept ourselves as imperfect, in-process, yet gifted and delightful people, we find it easier to accept others in their imperfections, their incompleteness, and to delight in their gifts. And so, loving ourselves is an important part of our discipleship.
I’ve spoken before about basement and balcony voices – these are the voices that have told us, throughout our lives, who we are. When the basement voices, who have told us how we don’t measure up, outshout the balcony voices who tell us how special and how lovable we are – then we find it hard to believe that anyone can love us. And it’s hard for us to give love away when we are so hungry for it ourselves. We need to come to a place of believing in ourselves, receiving the love of God, and trusting in the loving community…and the good news is that we can change our patterns of thinking by changing our habits of behavior. We can, indeed, choose compassion, and we will become more compassionate. The authors of How God Changes Your Brain have found, in studying brain scans of many people involved in different religious practices and different theological perspectives, that when people understand God as compassionate and benevolent, and when they reflect on God’s love, the anterior cingulate of the brain is activated – the part of the brain that mediates between our thoughts and our feelings – helping us to develop empathy and to feel compassion toward others. Not only did thinking about the love of God strengthen this function of the brain, but also meditation in which the subjects reflected on any kind of love. The things we choose to think about can change the function of our brains. As the authors write, “What makes human beings unique is the extraordinary impermanence of their ideas, and this impermanence is reflected in our extraordinary neuroplasticity. Neurons do not have fixed properties. Instead, they are changing all the time. It takes less that two weeks for a neuron to grow new axons and dendrites, and in some cases the change occurs suddenly. Competitive behavior, environmental influences, education or even a rousing sermon can trigger a rapid rewiring of the circuits.” [I’ll do my best!] We can choose what we will become. We can choose to contemplate the love of God, to practice compassion, and over time, we will become people who love.
Most of us get too easily into the habit of pointing fingers at others, noting (even privately) their failings and challenges. We would do well to remember that we really can’t do anything about other people, but that on a really good day, if we try really hard, we can control some of our own behavior. Let’s put our energy where we can have the best results. Let’s work on ourselves. As we withhold judgment and choose to love, we will build neural pathways that follow the way of love.
Eleven years ago I heard Mark Yaconelli who was developing a new approach to youth ministry, which he called Practicing the Presence of God with Youth – it involved spending more time developing an awareness of God’s presence and activity in our lives. Developing a sense of God’s love. He opened the session by telling this story: There was a researcher who went and studied a Native American tribe, after a couple of years he was returning to NYC, and asked one of the elders to accompany him, to a meeting. While they were walking down the street, he noticed the elder stop, listen intently, and then walk to a tree, at whose foot there was a cricket. “How did you hear that cricket amidst all the noises of the city?” asked the researcher, incredulous. The elder reached into his pocket, took out a handful of change, and threw it into the air. As it landed, people stopped and quickly ran to pick up the money. The elder looked at the researcher and replied, “It depends what you’re listening for.”
Many people are much more comfortable talking about God, analyzing God, thinking about God than thinking in God, listening for God, resting in God. By taking time for contemplative prayer – also sometimes called Centering Prayer, or meditation, we can recreate our brains, leaving behind the voices of rejection and failure, and developing our capacity to hear the Compassionate Voice that breathes our very being to us, and, as Paul writes to the Romans, “transforms us by the renewing of our minds.”
And as we reflect, we can remember that when Paul writes about Love in this chapter, he uses the word, agape, which is one of the three Greek words for love. Eros is the word for sexual and romantic love. Philios is the word for brotherly love – filial love, the love of a good friend. And agape is the word describing God’s love for us. So we can know that in regard to us, God is patient and kind, God is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. God is not irritable or resentful. God does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. God bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things – with and for us. God believes in us, God bears with us, God hopes for us, and God’s love never fails. If we don’t believe it yet, if we can’t believe it yet, we can think about it anyway, and let our marvelously adaptive brains wrap themselves around this truth, creating an inner infrastructure for love, and enabling us to choose love – for ourselves, for others, and from God. Love is our decision. Amen.